A Vision
A year and half before, I had a miscarriage. It was heartbreaking and it was difficult to handle. I was 12 weeks into the pregnancy when I went for a routine checkup. It was then we discovered no heartbeat and an empty womb. I cried tears of such sorrow. I obsessed over the baby book that I had started two months before. Thrilled to have another bundle of joy, I began to weave the story of this precious life. My soul was crushed when I realized the book will not have a single memory to record.
The doctor sent me home after a few blood tests and told me that the miscarriage will hopefully happen on its own. Two weeks passed and my body still acted like I was with child. I was wearing maternity clothes and still mourning the idea that there was no child within me. As I held the tiny newborn onesie I purchased the day I told Mark the news, I cried into the phone begging the doctor to perform a D&C in order for me to move onward. She agreed and I was scheduled.
The procedure although painful and emotional, brought some closure. It also paved the way to more grief. While I was waking up from the D&C, I had a dream. I saw a beautiful blonde little boy. He stood holding a baseball bat and laughing. I couldn’t see his face just that he was a perfect happy blonde boy. When I came to, I was so emotional. I just buried my head into the pillow and sobbed. I just knew I had seen what could’ve been…and it left such a wound.
On the way home, I told Mark about the vision I had and he just quietly said, “What if God gave you a picture of what is to come?” With that, a year or so later, I was holding my perfect baby boy..by the way was blonde as a toddler and yes, he held a bat and laughed..
My now 9yo has brought such joy to my life. He has had a struggle but always managed to have a infectious laugh and persevering spirit. He is so tender-hearted and so charming. He is quite the cut up and loves to dance. He is smart and creative. He is the perfect little boy for me.
God bless…
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