I try to reflect on my teenage years in order to help ease my daughter through them.  Sadly, I can tell her more of what NOT to do than anything.  I have been really concentrating on the whole “boyfriend” thing.  She will eventually have one of those and well, I need to really be prepared.

I remember my mother’s advice, “You don’t need one.”  All my girlfriends had steady beaus and well, I had my library card.  I recall whining to mom that it wasn’t fair that I didn’t have a boyfriend and was always playing the third wheel.  Mom tried to console me by telling me that I didn’t really need one.  She pointed out all the “inconveniences” of having one.  My friends made it sound so fun ,and well, as much as mom thought it helped, the “Boyfriends, who needs them” attitude didn’t settle my conflict.

So, I took matters into my own hands.  Let me start by explaining that my mother taught in an elementary school in Little Rock.  She arranged for my brother and I to attend elementary school at her school.  When I entered Jr. High, my friends from elementary school were with me for one school year.  In 8th grade, a new Jr. High was built and so all my elementary buds went to the the new school leaving me behind.  I decided to use this to my advantage.   Throughout my 7th grade year, I had a crush on a boy named Bob. (Bob is a cover.  Gotta keep the innocent safe!)

When my friends began “going with” {funny, today’s term is going out with} their boyfriends, I was left to my own device.  I created a relationship with Bob… purely fictional so that I could save face.  Bob and I were going to the movies (on his side of the city, of course).  Whenever my friends invited me to join them on their double dates (5th wheel is worse than a 3rd), I would politely decline stating I had a date with Bob.  I would of course just stay home and sulk… cry my eyes out, more like it.  I would sit at home and create a whole fantasy world of great dates, arguments, and any boyfriend trouble I could come up with.  At Christmas, I would buy myself a gift from Bob.  Same for Valentine’s Day.  I don’t know who I fooled the most: my friends or myself.

Anyway, and I am ashamed to admit this…I kept this up for a couple of years…And in my sophomore year in high school, my made up boyfriend saga was about to come crashing down.  See, for the first time ever, my high school was going to be playing Bob’s high school.  It was going to be the ultimate football game.  Oh yeah, for who???  I began to panic.  What if I run into Bob?  Everyone will know my sad secret.  Well, I began a miserable break up.  We had been dating for several years now and well it had to be messy.  Boy did I make it messy.  I bribed my neighbor to copy a break-up letter that was “from Bob”  so it would be in a boy’s handwriting.  I called my friends needing consoling.  If this was a soap opera, I would have won an Emmy!  I was utterly ashamed of what I had created.  And the lie telling was getting to me.  It was so hard to keep up with the lies.  I cursed myself for doing it.  But in my eyes, there was no turning back.

The night of the big game, I was on pins and needles.  I just knew I would run into Bob.  Wouldn’t you know that a group of “hoods” were walking towards us.  I recognized the birth mark on one of those “bad” boys.  It was Bob.  I said hi to this stranger.  He looked puzzled and then gave me one of those “don’t know ya but I’m going to be nice and say hi back at cha” nods.  My friends were watching every move.  We got past the boys and then the drama began.  I just couldn’t believe after years in a relationship he would act like he didn’t know me.  I was crushed.  And my friends were there to pick up the pieces.   Again, I felt horrible.  I didn’t want to be in this mess of lies.  I should have confessed right there but I didn’t.  ((nervously chuckling)) I guess now is better than never.

My daughter’s reaction, “Mom, that is really sad.”  I had to agree.  It was a horrible thing I did..lying to my friends and to myself.  My wise daughter said that I should have been more comfortable with knowing who I was and that I should have been honest with everyone.  I agree.  I asked her not to feel like she had to do the same thing I did…I want her to be stronger than me.  Don’t resort to lying just to fit in..it isn’t worth it.  Besides, at her age, “who needs a boyfriend anyway?”

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Oh and for those friends who may be reading this, please accept my apology for being such a desperate liar.  It was just a sad attempt to be “normal.”

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