I failed miserably this morning.  I vaguely recall being nudged before 5am but obviously I didn’t wake up fully to read and reflect.  So at 6:30, hoping that I would be quiet enough to do my thing without being noticed, I snuck to the living room to retrieve my Bible.  I managed to sneak back to the bedroom and to open my Bible, when I was discovered.  Both my son and hubby found me awake and the morning routine began and I ignored my thing. ((sigh))…I have been trying all morning to find a moment to steal away..((sigh)) and every time I do…((sigh))

I went to my Bible study feeling down and  so guilty for not waking up before everyone else.  My perfect record is now tarnished and I can not recover from it.  I sat in my car stunned with shame.  I just wanted to cry.  I want to be so well balanced and to do what I am supposed to do…find peace and contentment in all areas of my life as well as being totally centered on God.  UGH!!

Already the insecurities and the doubt for my quest was beginning to creep into my thoughts.  How will I ever be able to teach the world about finding balance IF I can’t do it.  Frustrated I stomped up the stairs of the church and plopped pouty self down in the front row.  I didn’t want anyone to see my frustration, so I kept my back to everyone.  Then I realized I left my papers at home.  UGH!!  ((sigh)) Now, I have to ask to see someone else’s so I can fill in the information needed for today’s lesson.  Swallowing hard and faking the best “today’s a great day” smile, I turned around and asked the lady behind me for hers, copied the notes, and politely handed them back.  Let the sulking continue….

Beth Moore’s image appeared on the screen.  She began her speech.  I immediately felt drawn into her message.  She began by introducing a formula for the brain change I need to conquer if I truly want to succeed in balance.  I need to realize that through God’s love, I am blessed, chosen, accepted, adopted, redeemed and forgiven, and in that I am believing God.  She had us repeat that statement several times and then explained the significance to memorize it.  Funny, how the UGH’s and the sighs quickly diminished.  She’s was right.  I mean I already knew that but it was made clear to me that I needed to hear it….again.

Feeling somewhat better after reaffirming what I believe is true about God (blessing, choosing, accepting, adopting redeeming and forgiving me), the fact of the matter still remains that I did not do my thing this morning.  It was bothering me that I allowed life to interfere once again.  I could feel the UGH! coming on…sighing to keep from ughing, I settled my mind down to hear Beth once more.

She continued her speech with the most wonderful definition of “blameless.”  We are called to lead “blameless” lives.  Not perfect lives mind you but blameless lives.  Blameless living means without premeditated and willful sinning.  Living without thinking of ways to sin..  Huh!  Then it hit me…I am trying to find the perfect formula for living a perfect Christian life with results in contentment.  Perfection will never be achieved here on Earth.  Perfection isn’t what I need to strive for.. but rather, blamelessness.

Now, I really need to find some reflection time for this one.. excuse me, the kids are occupied and well, I need to meet with God…

God Bless..

No related posts.