Over the last several months, I have felt a definite disjointedness between me and God.  Although, Breaking Free has taught me a lot and made me reflect on my life; it also brought to surface the dark seed in my heart.  You know what I mean.. the area in which “I” was taking care of…the place in my life that I didn’t want to hand over to God.  Along with the resurfacing, I found myself knee deep in “yuck.”  Just plain old, “I don’t like myself” yuck… the stuff you can’t wash off by yourself.  I began to judge others and projecting my anger and the yuck on other people.  And all the while, I was thinking, “God, won’t you help me?”

Towards the end of Breaking Free, I discovered something.. I needed to take my love for Christ to the next level.  You know the one… TOTAL surrendering, FULLY faithful, and anointing myself in God’s word.  I have always half way done the surrendering.  I have done better in the faithful area; but the anointing myself in God’s word.. really?  Who has time??  Excuse me as I am brutally honest here and dodging lightning.  That was my attitude.. Okay, I have done some Bible study, read along with the preacher in church, took the Bible to Sunday School.. doing things right, right?

Ahem

In all my efforts to do things right, I had forgotten the relationship with God.  I had forgotten to declutter my mind and my life to make time for Him.  I was too busy juggling to realize that my “good girl” actions were wearing thin and what I was needing was some good old fashioned “Jesus Time.”  Over the last couple of weeks, I have been confessing, renewing my mind and taking the “training” advice from our pastor.  What a world of a difference!!  I feel so rejuvenated.  So refreshed!  So LOVED!!

Now if you don’t mind, I have Psalms 77 to study!!

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