Sad Eyes
Busy catching me up with her life, she had 20 questions about me. As I answered every questions, I was drawn into her sad eyes. With each word, I couldn’t turn away from her eyes. They told a true story of hurt, loss, and struggle.
Noticing that I was seeing the real girl behind those eyes, she changed her expression. “I’m getting a tattoo when I turn 16!” she beamed. Drawing the symbol on a piece of paper, she revealed a gang symbol. My eyes met her’s. ”Oh honey,” I sighed.
Nervous from my reaction, she fidgeted in her seat. She went on to explain that she supported “the blue.” She obviously felt like their biggest supporter. Wanting me to join into her enthusiasm, her inquisitive expression asked all that need to be asked. She didn’t understand why I wasn’t happy for her. I had no idea what to say. In my little world, a gang meant a youthful death, probably violent and before it should.
I had to make a choice. Do I preach to her? Knowing those in her life probably have already preached the “Gangs are Bad” sermon and well, she wasn’t going to accept it… the fantasy had a hold on her. Or do I give her a seed to change the world with? Knowing that she would have to make the decision herself, I planted the seed. I told her that she was a powerful young lady that could make this broken world a better place. She had all the excuses ready for me…. she had heard this spill before. She was either too dumb, not smart enough or not pretty enough.
Fidgeting the whole time, she knew my stare was more out of love than disappointment. ”Don’t make excuses.” I said. In her life, excuses will only convince herself into an early death. ”I don’t believe in excuses.” I explained, ”I can’t tell you what to do but don’t throw your life away with an excuse.”
And with that, our time together was over. I had to watch those sad eyes leave the room. My heart was heavy with fear and worry. ”Please God, make her see that she is more than a gang. Help her realize that an excuse is not what she should define herself as. Please Father, protect her, love her and keep her safe.” That is all I could do… pray.
God bless…..
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October 22nd, 2009 at 10:54 am
That is the hardest thing, to me, about spending my life working with kids. You have to love them as much as you can while they’re with you and then let them go. Whether it’s home for the weekend wondering what they are going to eat or off to another school where they will have new teachers and staff. It’s so hard. You’re right. All we can do is pray and let God do the rest. I remember my first few (OK, six or seven) years working in the schools, I would become depressed and teary every Christmas, thinking about the kids that would probably have a very sad holiday. One child kept her doll, that her teacher had given her, wrapped so that she would have a gift under her tree. I would look at my children and want for my students what I could provide for my own kids. It was really hard, and it made Christmas sad for me for a long time.
Thanks for the reminder that we need to pray without ceasing for the children who have a rough start as well as those who veer from the right path. And please pray for those of us who work with these kids that we will have strength and patience to make a difference in their lives.