Ever have one of those days where you just want to crawl into bed, cover your head, and just lose yourself in a sobbing-wish-this-day-never-happened fit.  That describes my day to a T!  I was in that state of mind after seeing yet another specialist with my son.   My little guy has been through enough and well… so have Mark and I.  Another routine check up turning into a spiralling roller coaster ride.

When I was alone after dropping of my little man at school, I began to pray.  It was more or less a “why me” prayer.  I did acknowledge Justin, Mark and Joellen in the pity party I was throwing in front of God.  Got home and immediately began to eat my sorrows away. I shoveled food in left and right.  All the while, I was hearing “when you call on Jesus” playing in my head.  Right in the middle of the pity party, I got a phone call from a friend that I had lunch with yesterday.  She and I were high school buds and finally have reconnected recently through facebook.  She said that she had an overwhelming urge to call me.  I began to cry… snot sobbing cry within my heart.  I told her my day’s story and she simply said, “God will not give you more than you can handle.”  By the time the conversation was over,  she had me laughing so hard my could have split my pants.  Just what I needed.

Here’s the funny thing though…. as soon as I got off the phone, I pulled out the pity party favors again.  Trying to resist crawling into bed and closing my eyes for the day, I would walk in circles.  Now, I know exactly what I needed to do but I was overtaken by fear and worry. Well, I went through my day with a heavy heart and without even stopping to think about calling on Jesus.

This evening, I went to art class with a heavy heart and blood shot eyes.  My dear friend took one look at me and asked  what was wrong.  I just shrugged it off and told her I would explain later with tears swelling and ready to unleash.  We had coffee after class.  I began to throw that pity party again.  Immediately, she bowed her head and began to pray out loud.   At first, I was caught in a “what on earth are you doing” expression.  Then realizing that something was coming over me tears streamed down my face.  I had been avoiding God all day.  Shame and frustration flooded my tears at this point.  I was sorry.  As my friend prayed, I felt the tension, fear, and confusion fade away.  A gentle whisper of knowing swept across me….. everything was going to be alright.  She still prayed so reverently for me and my family.  She then reached for my hand and she looked straight at me.  I was smiling and feeling so joyous.  ”Everything is going to be okay.” I simply stated.

Now, how come, I didn’t do that in the first place??  Why did I have to go around the world avoiding  the prayer time and quite frankly surrendering to pity?  All I had to do is pray….. I could have told you that.  Anyone who would have asked me I would have given that as my answer.  So why did I not do that in the first place?

The answer is simple….. I got in the way.  It wasn’t about me.  It is about me letting God in and handling it.  It is about letting Him do the worrying for me.  All I had to do was get in the zone and submit.

So simple and so easily I forget.  Jesus is there waiting for me to ask for His help, His strength and His healing power.  All I needed to do was ask.  Perhaps, it is time for me to tattoo it on my forehead.  Maybe then I will remember…….

God Bless

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